Dealing with Displacement: Missional, Seasonal, Singleness

Wow the thoughts and revelations that are shooting across my brain. Neurotransmitters working incessantly.

So I'm nearly 24 and I'm a single guy. No prospects, no "I would if...", Nope, nothing.

Right now its just me and my cat Zoe.

Now to give a little context for these thoughts that I'm about to unload you must know a few things about me.

First, I live in a sizeable college town, where there are young men and women socializing everywhere.

Secondly, I have wondered if God has just forgotten about this single guy, condemned me to singleness or worse yet, to walk with a woman that I love and care about her significantly more than she loves me. This has always been a battle for me because I feel very "normal" and wired for marriage yet circumstances seem to debilitate the fairy tale.

With the above understanding let us wade into my current thoughts. Being in this town for 5 years I have seen a common theme with the people I meet. Probably 98% of these individuals are what I would like to call "transitionary friends." Meaning that these young people that I have walked through college with or their young career stage is by definition a formative and transitionary period in their life. It is not a time of settling down, laying root to an area and committing an on-going donation of their life and labor to the College Station community. Typically our friendship is just as transitionary or seasonal as their education or young career formation. So that person male or female maybe a semi-close to close friend for about a year until they move on to the next step of life i.e. graduation, marriage, career, etc...

This is totally normal and healthy. People are young and college ageish, complete school, get good jobs, met someone, marry them and move off with them.

The 2% or so that don't and our friendships actively remain are generally those people that usually fall into one of the following categories or most likely all of them. They graduate and have no clear job direction or prospects, are still single, love hanging around with the college kids for selfish or selfless reasons, or get jobs in this area.

An exception to this is extremely dear friends that move off get married etc and yet we still remain close. These types of people possess great love for me and are truly a blessing and are a part of a bond only God could create. AKA - Mark Morris, Taylor, Jesse.

Well, I fall into that 2% category as you can already figure out. More specifically I yearn for community for a dear friend to walk with long after all of my college friends have been married or taken jobs elsewhere or both. I want someone to share my life with, the little things, the insignificant or foolish moments and the intimate and intense moments. This is not really the kind of need a dude can meet therefore, in short, I need a wife.

Its a neat thing God has shown me about my manhood and how I am created. It is also extremely encouraging and I hope that it encourages others. I was not made to live the rest of my life with people, guy or girl, blowing into and out of my life like the wind. I was made for community and the most intimate level of that community is family.

You may ask..."Why is that encouraging if you don't have a wife or family right now and are stuck at home by yourself with your cat?" Well, thats a great question. One reason is the Godly, and functional longing for that kind of intimate community is affirmed with scripture that I was not made to be alone and therefore gives me hope that one day in God's timing he will fulfill that longing my desires will be fulfilled by His grace. Basically, it reminds me that it is healthy to long for a wife and family and should raise a red flag and other inquires if that longing wasn't there.

If I was comfortable with getting close to people and then having them leave me and move on in life and i just was comfortable remaining in the same stage of life that would be valid cause for alarm. It also could be an indication to examine my life and see if I was made for singleness as a so to speak career move. Nope not digging it. Thanks God.

Also, it makes me utterly dependent on God to satisfy these desires of wanting to have this type of intimate family relationship while he with holds this from me.

Another thing that comes out of this is a sense of overwhelming healthy, Godly, anticipation of how "things" (meeting a lady, courting or dating her, etc..) are going to play out. Its sort of like being one or two people back in line for the best new intimidating roller coaster at a large theme park.

Back to reality =)

So I am still single at the end of writing this. That doesn't mean that I sit on my duff and wait for God to drop her out of the air it also doesn't mean that I go and load my quiver with Cupid's arrows then frequent every estrogen rich environment in town either.

No, I live and learn and press into God, with my eyes fixed firmly on Him, praying over these desires being sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit. What does that look like practically? Doesn't that sound over-spiritualized? Lets be careful to not do that. What I mean is simply this. Be an active part of God's community, the church. Love those in the church, love those outside the church, love those in other local bodies, of every gender and age, but don't get caught up in socializing and let that become and idol. Remain on mission for the things of God and then she, or he will appear. Not out of thin air, like some ridiculous "hocus, pocus," or scales will fall from your eyes like Saul, but the Lord is sovereign over our hearts and our affections and He will incline them in accordance with his will. You typically see God pair people as they are serving Him. This is not a great shocker because a family as Paul gets at in 1 Corinthians is a ministry.

This time is bittersweet. Displacement -yearning for more than the status quo of singleness and yet sweet because of the keeping and assurance of the Lord's promises and revelation. Don't be a bear my friends. Don't hibernate through the winter season of singleness, but venture out on the snowy valley and gaze up unto God's majestic mountain peaks above. May this began to melt away the bitterness and displacement upon the heart and warm it with joy and gratitude for the faithful mountain-maker.

Side note: Be careful about idolizing the Eric Ludy, Josh Harris, stupid courtship philosophy. A lot of that stuff is overspiritualized. I have had to combat that a lot lately. Its not that its bad or sinful it is just not superiorly wise or has some form of inherit righteousness if you follow everyone of their suggestions. Such a method does not universally apply to the body of Christ or it would be laid out in scripture. their dating/courtship methods are BASED on scripture but extrapolated into a dating philosophy so don't get legalistic and tied down if such a method doesn't work for you.