Going Emo...?

I have a beard now...

And I just started listening to some different music as of last night with my bud

Should I move to wako? Ha! Gotta confess I like being a hybrid of things, with the faithfulness of 1 Corinthians 9:22

Great bands:

Sherwood

We Shot The Moon

Waking Ashland

To Reclaim Love...

Had a weird experience yesterday. Weird conversation with one of my buddies who really observed the whole Kate thing more closely than I thought.

He just kinda went into what he saw. Without me asking, he just kinda shared his perspective. Thinking about this and trying to at the same time not confront what he said... I finally folded. He was right. She was a cancer.

The reality is I loved her or love her how ever you want to look at it. I just chooses now to starve that love. Everyday I choose not to love her. I choose to go against my commitment. It feels blatantly dysfunctional, it is. There is no resolution at this point, she just justifies herself and takes responsibility only as a pr move, it is never functional.

I screwed-up by not standing my ground and following and do what I knew was right. I should have ran when she tempted me but I did not. I should have cut ties within that first month.

About 4 people, unrelated around me, they all saw the same thing. They came to me about it and it is heart breaking. Mind blowing that its not just advice.

The only reason I can explain that I did not is love. That love threatens to keep me here even now. So I must deny it. It is misplaced and it is unclaimed.

I must deny the urge to engage in serving her. Deny the desire to be beside her.

I tell misplaced, early committed love "no" to welcome in what is coming. What is already here :)

Another thought...

A thought that God gave me through my time with Him today was profound and I want to share. This all stemmed from mediating on holiness. It is where we are at as a church in scripture, specifically in a series over 2 Timothy.

The thought:

"Holiness is the root of Happiness," without holiness happiness is unauthentic and a short-lived lie.

Being a Godly man

A thought I had today with God:

We submit to God because he is worthy of our submission. He is honorable, revered, full of love and grace. but more than simple attributes the core of who God is makes Him worthy of our submission. Not because of what he gives or does but because of who he is "God almighty." That makes Him worth submitting to not just worth it as an optional thing, but compels and even commands our submission.

Application:
Am I a guy really worthy of a lady submitting to? I mean not because of what I could do for her or provide for her or impress her....anyone with enough money and "Hitch" training can do that... but Is my person, and character someone that a God-seeking lady could look to and honestly say 'it's my joy to submit to you because of WHO you are"

That is the Biblical standard us single men have to evaluate ourselves with and I know that such a standard I can't attain without the empowerment of the Holy Spirit (Me submitting to Christ)

Help me God for me to submit to you rather than adventure out on my own. It is my sinful nature to disregard you. Help me to submit continually to you.

Help my future wife to go against her sinful nature after the fall of rebelling against me (see Gen 3:15-16) and empower her to live in submission.

Love Wins

Such a bold reality

Love really does win

We don't lose. We don't die

We have an advocate. Not that we have paid off or bribed

Not that is obligated to us.

But by his own sovereign choice has chosen us (Romans 8&9)

Before the foundation of the world (Ephesians 1)

We don't have to clean ourselves up to come to God. He extends grace. Sometimes that grace is in the form of discipline but none-the-less its a gift that restores us into intimacy with him.

Thank You for being big enough God. Thank you for the opportunity to serve, to love, to hope and not just hope blindly but take heart in faith (the assurance of things hoped for - Hebrews 11)

May I rejoice in the victory that You have secured Jesus. Love Wins Hallelujah!! death where is your sting?

Love Wins

Love Wins

Love Wins

Reflecting On This Journal

I just finished a journal. A journal that I have had longer than most. A journal full of many things. Because of this I used the last couple of pages as a reflection page on the journal as a whole, what came out was rather humbling. God is Good. Below is the final reflective entry.

Reflections of this Journal:

This time has been varied and confusing at many points because of my sin.
I have seen Jesus and I have seen death.
I have written of love and lust.
Selfishness and sacrifice.
I have known both chaos and contentment
Joy and defeat.
I have raised my weaponry in defense and I have abandoned those weapons before the throne.
Hatred emptied into the gulf of love to never be identified again.
I have learned by experience of what it is to actually be able to echo Paul's words of being content in all things.
Its not a measure of pretty words to gauge the place of my heart and its not the performance of my actions or the success of the endeavor ventured in.

It truly is a matter of belief
A matter of faith in the unseen, the Bigger than I.
To know that I am not but that He has enabled me that I am.
No fear can fence me
No lady can limit or liberate me
For its the grace of the King that draws the peasant into His courts.
This journal has revealed more than I can share.
It has not revealed all yet.
I am still learning how the past teaches one's eye to see the beauty of the present and evoke the heart into prayer and praise for the future.
I don't know of certainty apart from God. and placed in man's ventures.
I don't believe it exists
I do however renounce the fear that lies to the Christian.
The fear that gives a small perspective of God and a large view of man's discovery of hope.
I want to instead walk in His ways
Know Him and be known by Him
To love them for He has loved me.
May the love of Jesus Christ compel me

I pray that this may be helpful to some that you can read betwen the lies of this world and push past them to the Hope of God, through the Grace of the Son, Communicated by the Holy Spirit.

Hootie Goes Country!

So I have always loved Hootie and The Blowfish....I have always loved the guys voice and the emotion they convey about such a vast variety of things in their music.

Well the front-man Darius Rucker released a solo album awhile back and I just got it today! I read he has a huge love for country music!? Well, his new album definitely has a huge country influence. Some may even classify it as country! I am so enthralled with this album. Its very, very, different than what I normally listen to.

There is a song about being at the brink of death and its really unique. It would make more sense how distinct it is if you heard it. Here are the lyrics.

Hope They Get To Me In Time
Artist: Darius Rucker

I'm eight years old
Daddy's cuttin' my hair
Aqua Velva on his hands.
Momma's in the kitchen
Got fried green tomatoes
Poppin' in the pan.
I see a home run, a goal line,
Holding my friend gettin' baptized.
I see her beautiful face under that veil
As she's walking down the aisle.

I can hear the sirens comin'
Smell the gasoline and smoke.
I'm pinned against this steering wheel
Pretty sure my arm is broke.
I can see the flames and my life
Flashing right before my eyes.
I hope they get to me in time.

I could see the headlights swerve
So I cut the wheel to the right.
Last thing I saw was that bottle turned up
As he crossed that center line.
I see tiny hands, brown eyes
Fallin' to sleep to that lullaby.
And you slide over next to me
As I turn out the lights.

I can hear the sirens comin'
Smell the gasoline and smoke.
I'm pinned against this steering wheel
Pretty sure my arm is broke.
I can see the flames and my life
Flashing right before my eyes.
I hope they get to me in time.

Please Lord, I'm beggin' you
Don't let me go like this.
There's so much left that I want to do
So much I don't want to miss.

I can see the flames and my life
Flashing right before my eyes.
I hope they get to me in time.
Just get to me in time.
Please get to me in, in time.

God help me to remember that life is a Vapor. May James' words compel me to expend everything you give me for the cause of your kingdom. To feel less weighed by the disgust of the person and events of the past in order to not jeopardize the hope and donation of today.