Today was an interesting day. Reading through the book "Vintage Jesus" by Mark Driscoll has been an exceptional treat just to remind myself of God's timeless truths.
I am living no longer in decay or want. This is somewhat difficult to actualize seeing is I don't have a community at the moment here at A&M but God still is here. I may not feel that or for that matter really "experience it", but that nonetheless negates scripture. Its somehow exhausting and refilling to run and function on nothing but faith and that in itself is an experience that I haven't had in awhile.
I trust you and believe you God and you have essentially given me no reason or rationale to. I'm not going to test drive this faith thing but finally marry her. I really want to be your bride. Yet another renaissance. Yet another chance for growth and flowering that will challenge and make beautiful this mess of me.
Today I think it starts with semi-divorcing the past. Not living or dwelling there. analyzing and learning from those events and sovereign happenstances, the sin, the victories and then journeying on in as humanly complete of a divorce as possible. Will my past effect/affect me in the future - yes. Will it dictate my future - NO! I follow the way of the cross the way of death, pain, persecution and the broken sin of humanity. Yet on the other side of that cross is a resurrection and life that can only be described as supernatural, and beyond me. Redemption has a face and the face is unseen, intangible, but not completely obscure. Its the scarred face of Jesus. Time brings that necessary clarity, ushered in by prayer and helplessness even purposeful despair. Yes there is pain involved between the path of the cross and the time of resurrection. Its unbearable. Its a life unattainable without sovereign grace and mercy. An unjust love that justifies the blackened soul of my person.
I am Thankful
I am Helpless
Yet I am being made Holy
May the path of the cross not yield a martyrdom complex, but a bigger view of God that makes me humbly grateful.
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