Had a weird experience yesterday. Weird conversation with one of my buddies who really observed the whole Kate thing more closely than I thought.
He just kinda went into what he saw. Without me asking, he just kinda shared his perspective. Thinking about this and trying to at the same time not confront what he said... I finally folded. He was right. She was a cancer.
The reality is I loved her or love her how ever you want to look at it. I just chooses now to starve that love. Everyday I choose not to love her. I choose to go against my commitment. It feels blatantly dysfunctional, it is. There is no resolution at this point, she just justifies herself and takes responsibility only as a pr move, it is never functional.
I screwed-up by not standing my ground and following and do what I knew was right. I should have ran when she tempted me but I did not. I should have cut ties within that first month.
About 4 people, unrelated around me, they all saw the same thing. They came to me about it and it is heart breaking. Mind blowing that its not just advice.
The only reason I can explain that I did not is love. That love threatens to keep me here even now. So I must deny it. It is misplaced and it is unclaimed.
I must deny the urge to engage in serving her. Deny the desire to be beside her.
I tell misplaced, early committed love "no" to welcome in what is coming. What is already here :)
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