Reading List

Here are the current books I have gotten recently and are in my reading que, in no particular order:

Unfashionable: Making A Difference in the World By Being Different
(currently reading) - Tullian Tchividjian

What He Must Be ...if he wants to marry my daughter - Voddie Baucham JR.

The Pursuit of God - A.W. Tozer

Letters & Papers From Prison - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

In My Place Condemned He Stood - J.I. Packer and Mark Dever

The Cost of Discipleship - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

John Calvin: A Heart For Devotion Doctrine & Doxology - edited by Burk Parsons

Feed My Sheep: A Passionate Plea For Preaching - Contributors

Reading Scripture With The Church Fathers - Christopher A. Hall



Recently Read:

Save Me From Myself - Brian "Head" Welch

Knowing God - R.C. Sproul

Spiritual Leadership - J. Oswald Sanders

Hope Lives

Tired, Weary, Jaded
Elements of The Fall

Feeling so complicated
The Cold of apathy's strike

In these moments my mind is severed
From your cascading kindness on the Cross

The blood-soaked Joy You purchased
The purposeful passion you awakened in a dead man

Is just as true in these moments of confusion
Where deceit and lies have stormed the fortress of faith

In and out of season
You remain

The immutable, ever-present reigns
Conquering the callouses of depression

His steadfastness swallows the weight of worry
He is the fullness of Love that shatters loneliness

The shadows do not overcome the sun
Nor do flames produce ice

Life does not die
Life produces hope

Hope Lives

Because of this Precious One - Jesus
True Life, life in the Spirit, does not die

But in all things brings hope

Hope Lives

Thankfulness

Our God brings beauty in all things.

I don't meditate on this truth enough and tend to get caught up in the moment whether it be sinus surgery pain or headaches or (insert whinny discomfort here).

As our pastor says frequently, "In Christ we got it going on!"

Its sad when one person cuts us off or one electronic device doesn't work properly that our demeanor turns sour and we are anything but thankful.

God help me, keep me from this attitude and missing the mark.

God help me to see the beauty in the seasons of change coming.

God help me to see the providence and purpose in these frustrating setbacks in my day.

The future for us is truly bright as children of God and in the here and now we have the Holy Spirit, the guarantee of our inheritance.

In the here and now we get the opportunity to enjoy the things of this world that God has given us (not sin or sinful activity).

For example: I love summer. Summer is my favorite season. The sun and the heat, the poolside laughter, road trips, water skiing, youth camps, sunshades and throwing a Frisbee.

Oh so much to be thankful for, right here, right now.

My health, my friends, my brain, my gifts and my opportunities to live, breath - love and preach Jesus.

Thank You God

Grow in me this heart of thankfulness.

H
O
P
E

Sinus Surgery

I had surgery yesterday...They straightened my septum that was only moderately deviated and then they shrunk my turbinents in my nose that have kept me from breathing almost at all through my nose.

Recovery is going well... Just a little pain, but a WHOLE LOT of bleeding.

I am taking it easy through the weekend and the first part of next week. I'm seeing the faithfulness of the Lord working through doctors and modern medicine.

The lord is healing my body and if he allows I will be able to breath better and possibly my migraines be reduced after the healing process is complete.

Moving at the Speed of Life

I find more beauty each day.

Amidst the relentless depravity and brokenness around me, God gives me the grace to live with an unbroken Spirit.

Keep me from sin Lord, Forgive me when I fail, I know I am the problem. I am broken and depraved. Thank you for your sanctifying work. Thank you for love.

Living with an unbroken Spirit has been my theme here lately.

Its not just some philosophical pondering, its resting yet operating in what and who I know to be faithful and true. I trust you Jesus.

The days come whizzing at me like bullets lately, we are moving at the speed of life.

The depravity and pain, brokenness and shame, will never overtake the God who conquered sin and death.

As these days fly by help me to use each moment and opportunity wisely Lord. Help me to be the passionate man that loves as you love.

May I not get caught up in the whirlwind of life, to miss the beauty the grace extended to me to love those around me and to embrace the joys and gifts of life that make much of the Giver!

Praise you Jesus, Be magnified be glorified!

Why?

You were given a piece of peace
Then I watched you slay a thousand dreams
In your wake you hold hope ransom
why?

The depravity that sits at your feet
You would rather pet than kick or beat
All I want is to understand
why?

It doesn't work well if it works at all
I sit watching the sand rise and fall
As you confess freedom is a religious pipe dream
why?

The one who gave you the mind to doubt
Is the only one who can lead you out
Yet you sit in the forest of confusion hanging from limbs of delusion
why?

If its for freedom that he set us free
Why are you so bound in your understanding
Why do you find love so confounding
Why is the man on the tree not astounding
Why does hostility trump humility

Why would you rather be caught up in "Me" than lost and found in he..truly free, yes free indeed.

Drink and Be Filled

I long for satisfaction
in the wastelands of materialism
the emptiness that comes with feasting on carnal trash
chases me through moments of hopelessness
Reeling for lasting anything

You find me...
In the midst of my nothingness
Offering all, at no cost
Aware that I have nothing
At which to recompense

Nothing but nails
To crucify you
Justifying my condemnation, yet yielding grace
The merciful reward, despite myself
The blood i drew you purchased my hope.

I'm undone in my cruelty
Overtaken by my depravity
But now lost in your kindness
I'm now known and alive
You traversed the gulf between us

So I may drink and be filled
Satisfied beyond understanding
Lost, yet found in you
My sin you atoned
My life you bought

Hope Without End

As good intenders
We draw lines in the sand
Neat black and white bounds
Just in time to watch Grace wash them away

Set free from man-made prisons
To a hope without end
A door that's always open
The light that chases the night away

Its the words we just can't say
Where tears fall in slow motion
Trading our smallness
For something more beautiful than the apparent

So help the broken and the poor
Build beds for the aching and the sore
Stop the bleeding of lonely hearts
Be the love that won't divorce

And Maybe tomorrow will look different than today
Maybe we can find a way
Maybe if we walk His way
Into Hope Without End

No More

T
E
A
R
S

The Seminarian

I love learning. I love being academic. I love being practical. Applied academics.

Yes, its possible. They aren't so mutually exclusive.

I don't want to waste my life talking about wanting to change the world or end poverty or wave the social justice banner. I want to do it.

I want to use my brain and use my hands, not just spout rhetoric while the malnourished close their eyes for the last time in a location oblivious to the Starbucks-crazed Americans.

Seminary is where I begin this quest. Its my first step of acting in response to the call, privilege, honor and duty to grow an army of Christians to fight with weaponry of love and truth against the injustice and sin that corrupts all - from the family unit to the CEO of corporate America to Capitol Hill.

I am incredibly eager to get back in school.

I feel I can began to fulfill my purpose in the body of Christ there.

I don't want to be known for my brain, but my love. If seminary just builds my knowledge base and doesn't kindle affections for God and His people I feel as though such an endeavor would be counterproductive.

While my application list is not yet finished there are quite a few seminaries I will be applying to.

As time goes on, I mercifully get to see a little more of the plan and purpose of God for my life. For such a gift of understanding I am immensely thankful. Much of it I still do not understand and I am equally as grateful there.

If God is making me a Bible teacher and pastor I pray only for the grace to be faithful and obedient acknowledging that God is the sole provider and benefactor and I am simply a chosen partner stewarded with the Gospel message.

Praise You God!

"Command me Lord, then give me what You command" -Augustine

Music

As Martin Luther, the great reformer, once said "music is to be praised second only to the Holy Scriptures."

Music is an outlet for the inner romance within us. Its a very effective vehicle for that romantic expression whether that be with a girl or our God or an ideal or thought. Its powerful, God-ordained and commanded in Scripture.

Here is a song that is being played a lot off of the band's myspace page:

Waking Ashland - I Am For You

Something’s very wrong here
Your heart has frozen over
And something’s very strange here
You've lost all desire

The comfort we create to prove we're something
But we're starving
Screaming in the night cause you want answers
From the one
And there is hope again

Don't give up you're not thinking
Don't give up just keep seeking (Oh yeah)
And I, I am for you
And I, I will love you
And I, I am for you
And I, I will save you

Come and take my face or forever I will walk alone
And all the same mistakes
Cause I know you, I deny you
Days go by and choices still remain forever
Right and wrong is black and white
The illusions of this world
And there is hope again

Don't give up, you're not thinking
Don't give up, just keep seeking (Oh yeah)
And I, I am for you
And I, I will love you
And I, I am for you
And I, I will save you

I send my self to you
Yes always and always
I send my love to you[x2]


And I, I am for you
And I, I will love you
And I, I am for you
And I, I will save you

You found today, found today, you found today, with your life today

A true piano rock band. Its a weird, but catchy sound. A little more emo than I typically embrace, but I can let that go.

God thank You for this gift of music.

Preparing for the future...Engaging Postmodernism

I am in a stage of preparation. I don't enjoy it naturally.

I need the grace of God to give me joy and contentment in this time.

I'm preparing to venture out as a minister of the Gospel vocationally.

God is developing all aspects of my character right now. Its intense and at times paralyzing to see the weight of my sin and the huge lack of ability I have, forcing me to trust in Him for all things in the moment and ahead.

Currently reading: The Truth War by John McArthur

I highly recommend this book!

The postmodernist view of one's inability to know truth and their certainty of there being no absolute truth is horrifying.

This explains greatly how confused and disillusioned our culture is and the depths of our focus turning evermore inward and selfish clinging to anything that will function as an anesthetic for the pain and need of fulfillment in the moment, because under there thinking, nothing is true or certain. So, if it works today -the drug, ideology, relationship, thought etc... use it, use it fast and don't count on it.

From such line of thought one can see the despairing selfishness that we are spiraling downward into.

The Bible proposes truth and truth is a a person. Jesus - John 14:6.

The Bible is not at odds with history or Reason. Almost all of Paul's claims when he preaches and writes to the new testament churches are logic driven.

This will be the task at hand I believe for the rest of my life:

Defending the faith against:

Religious pluralism
The Emergent Church Movement
Pop Culture Theology -Dr. Phil, Oprah
Fundamentalism ideals birthed out of traditionalism rather than Biblical Christianity

The Rabbinic Beard.
Buddies are really pushing me to go for the Leonidas look.
I say no...

Full Circle

Thankfulness is a dominant anthem in me right now

I have spent the last few days fighting migraine headaches, writing sermons to be preached at a later date, and seeing another facet of the grace and mercy of God.

If that sounds all together too cliche I invite you to remember, or if you don't know me that well, to embrace the concept, that I am wicked, a finite, sinful, fallible dude. Some of you have seen this more clearly than others. I am not immune to the temptations of lust, greed, selfishness and fear of the unknown. Yet, by the unmerited favor of God I have experienced somewhat of a revival of the spiritual senses. The desire to put to death sin. To put to death anything that is not edifying to others or rooted in directing myself in others toward genuine love and holiness. An extermination of anything that does not lend the fruit of hope of the certain Kingdom that is to come.

I am not a leaf at the mercy of a confusing wind that my faith may be found one day and lost the next due to the circumstances of the day, rather I am a child of the most High God who is faithful to Himself through His people, period. Otherwise, A) I am not a child of God or B)He is a liar. There is no evidence for either of these realities. My spirit testifies in alignment with the Word of God that I am a part of the elect and There is no legitimate, water-holding, inconsistency in God that would bring His validity into question.

A God with a flawless tract record in the Old Testament and who cowards below humanity to the level of sacrifice before triumphing over the grave in the New Testament silences the most atheistic onlookers.

For all of this I am thankful, needless to say. Even when I have a skewed view of my identity, a Lion King moment if you will, I am not lost, doomed, or condemned. God is faithful, even when I am not.

"And from his fullness We have all received grace upon grace"
- John 1:16

I am blown away that this Holy, perfect God looked at this wretched, guilty, wrong doer and was merciful enough not to kill me.

But even more so that he not only allowed me to exist, but he gave me real and eternal life through believing in His son who bore the weight of my wrong doings by dying in my place.

Still it doesn't end there. He has now called and commissioned me to declare this great act of mercy and grace to others that they might experience the same. He sends me forth as a joyous ambassador of life amidst the brokenness of this world. To declare with His authority the forgiveness of sins. The weight of salvation does not rest on me. I just get to be one along for the ride. Its the Spirit of God working to call them to the Son through me. This reality is simply breath-taking.

The God that invites the undeserving to taste in real life and fore-ordains them to be a means of spreading that life. Praise You God!

Again. humbled...thankful...overjoyed...

"You are Indescribable, You are beyond expression
And I run out of words for you, Can't think that High,
So hear my spirit groan in me,
A painful sense of urgency,
To tell you that you are to me, So High"
-Jeff Johnson, "So High"

Going Emo...?

I have a beard now...

And I just started listening to some different music as of last night with my bud

Should I move to wako? Ha! Gotta confess I like being a hybrid of things, with the faithfulness of 1 Corinthians 9:22

Great bands:

Sherwood

We Shot The Moon

Waking Ashland

To Reclaim Love...

Had a weird experience yesterday. Weird conversation with one of my buddies who really observed the whole Kate thing more closely than I thought.

He just kinda went into what he saw. Without me asking, he just kinda shared his perspective. Thinking about this and trying to at the same time not confront what he said... I finally folded. He was right. She was a cancer.

The reality is I loved her or love her how ever you want to look at it. I just chooses now to starve that love. Everyday I choose not to love her. I choose to go against my commitment. It feels blatantly dysfunctional, it is. There is no resolution at this point, she just justifies herself and takes responsibility only as a pr move, it is never functional.

I screwed-up by not standing my ground and following and do what I knew was right. I should have ran when she tempted me but I did not. I should have cut ties within that first month.

About 4 people, unrelated around me, they all saw the same thing. They came to me about it and it is heart breaking. Mind blowing that its not just advice.

The only reason I can explain that I did not is love. That love threatens to keep me here even now. So I must deny it. It is misplaced and it is unclaimed.

I must deny the urge to engage in serving her. Deny the desire to be beside her.

I tell misplaced, early committed love "no" to welcome in what is coming. What is already here :)

Another thought...

A thought that God gave me through my time with Him today was profound and I want to share. This all stemmed from mediating on holiness. It is where we are at as a church in scripture, specifically in a series over 2 Timothy.

The thought:

"Holiness is the root of Happiness," without holiness happiness is unauthentic and a short-lived lie.

Being a Godly man

A thought I had today with God:

We submit to God because he is worthy of our submission. He is honorable, revered, full of love and grace. but more than simple attributes the core of who God is makes Him worthy of our submission. Not because of what he gives or does but because of who he is "God almighty." That makes Him worth submitting to not just worth it as an optional thing, but compels and even commands our submission.

Application:
Am I a guy really worthy of a lady submitting to? I mean not because of what I could do for her or provide for her or impress her....anyone with enough money and "Hitch" training can do that... but Is my person, and character someone that a God-seeking lady could look to and honestly say 'it's my joy to submit to you because of WHO you are"

That is the Biblical standard us single men have to evaluate ourselves with and I know that such a standard I can't attain without the empowerment of the Holy Spirit (Me submitting to Christ)

Help me God for me to submit to you rather than adventure out on my own. It is my sinful nature to disregard you. Help me to submit continually to you.

Help my future wife to go against her sinful nature after the fall of rebelling against me (see Gen 3:15-16) and empower her to live in submission.

Love Wins

Such a bold reality

Love really does win

We don't lose. We don't die

We have an advocate. Not that we have paid off or bribed

Not that is obligated to us.

But by his own sovereign choice has chosen us (Romans 8&9)

Before the foundation of the world (Ephesians 1)

We don't have to clean ourselves up to come to God. He extends grace. Sometimes that grace is in the form of discipline but none-the-less its a gift that restores us into intimacy with him.

Thank You for being big enough God. Thank you for the opportunity to serve, to love, to hope and not just hope blindly but take heart in faith (the assurance of things hoped for - Hebrews 11)

May I rejoice in the victory that You have secured Jesus. Love Wins Hallelujah!! death where is your sting?

Love Wins

Love Wins

Love Wins

Reflecting On This Journal

I just finished a journal. A journal that I have had longer than most. A journal full of many things. Because of this I used the last couple of pages as a reflection page on the journal as a whole, what came out was rather humbling. God is Good. Below is the final reflective entry.

Reflections of this Journal:

This time has been varied and confusing at many points because of my sin.
I have seen Jesus and I have seen death.
I have written of love and lust.
Selfishness and sacrifice.
I have known both chaos and contentment
Joy and defeat.
I have raised my weaponry in defense and I have abandoned those weapons before the throne.
Hatred emptied into the gulf of love to never be identified again.
I have learned by experience of what it is to actually be able to echo Paul's words of being content in all things.
Its not a measure of pretty words to gauge the place of my heart and its not the performance of my actions or the success of the endeavor ventured in.

It truly is a matter of belief
A matter of faith in the unseen, the Bigger than I.
To know that I am not but that He has enabled me that I am.
No fear can fence me
No lady can limit or liberate me
For its the grace of the King that draws the peasant into His courts.
This journal has revealed more than I can share.
It has not revealed all yet.
I am still learning how the past teaches one's eye to see the beauty of the present and evoke the heart into prayer and praise for the future.
I don't know of certainty apart from God. and placed in man's ventures.
I don't believe it exists
I do however renounce the fear that lies to the Christian.
The fear that gives a small perspective of God and a large view of man's discovery of hope.
I want to instead walk in His ways
Know Him and be known by Him
To love them for He has loved me.
May the love of Jesus Christ compel me

I pray that this may be helpful to some that you can read betwen the lies of this world and push past them to the Hope of God, through the Grace of the Son, Communicated by the Holy Spirit.

Hootie Goes Country!

So I have always loved Hootie and The Blowfish....I have always loved the guys voice and the emotion they convey about such a vast variety of things in their music.

Well the front-man Darius Rucker released a solo album awhile back and I just got it today! I read he has a huge love for country music!? Well, his new album definitely has a huge country influence. Some may even classify it as country! I am so enthralled with this album. Its very, very, different than what I normally listen to.

There is a song about being at the brink of death and its really unique. It would make more sense how distinct it is if you heard it. Here are the lyrics.

Hope They Get To Me In Time
Artist: Darius Rucker

I'm eight years old
Daddy's cuttin' my hair
Aqua Velva on his hands.
Momma's in the kitchen
Got fried green tomatoes
Poppin' in the pan.
I see a home run, a goal line,
Holding my friend gettin' baptized.
I see her beautiful face under that veil
As she's walking down the aisle.

I can hear the sirens comin'
Smell the gasoline and smoke.
I'm pinned against this steering wheel
Pretty sure my arm is broke.
I can see the flames and my life
Flashing right before my eyes.
I hope they get to me in time.

I could see the headlights swerve
So I cut the wheel to the right.
Last thing I saw was that bottle turned up
As he crossed that center line.
I see tiny hands, brown eyes
Fallin' to sleep to that lullaby.
And you slide over next to me
As I turn out the lights.

I can hear the sirens comin'
Smell the gasoline and smoke.
I'm pinned against this steering wheel
Pretty sure my arm is broke.
I can see the flames and my life
Flashing right before my eyes.
I hope they get to me in time.

Please Lord, I'm beggin' you
Don't let me go like this.
There's so much left that I want to do
So much I don't want to miss.

I can see the flames and my life
Flashing right before my eyes.
I hope they get to me in time.
Just get to me in time.
Please get to me in, in time.

God help me to remember that life is a Vapor. May James' words compel me to expend everything you give me for the cause of your kingdom. To feel less weighed by the disgust of the person and events of the past in order to not jeopardize the hope and donation of today.